I'm taking the dog and I'm never coming back! |
Why does it feel like I'm harping on change and your ability to gracefully maneuver through it? Well, because I am. When we discuss behavioral therapies, there's one statement that has influenced me probably more than any other.
The person or system with the most flexibility cont rols the rest.
Adaptability wins above all else. That truly is evolution.
Survival of the fittest isn't about strength, it's not about mental prowess, and it's not about intelligence. It's about adaptability. It's about flexibility. It's about the ability to change when circumstances require it.
And it's about the ability to manage that change in a way that feels comfortable, natural, and controllable - especially in today's out-of-control world. Unfortunately those skill sets are rarely taught in schools and hardly ever taught at home.
So, if change makes you uncomfortable or feels difficult, it's not your fault. You just weren't given tools to manage the process. You don't have right strategies to get ahead of the unexpected.
Yesterday I mentioned finding a way to amuse myself when forced to change how I respond to circumstances I feel are out of my control.
"I'm taking the dog, and I'm never coming back!" Is what I yelled out my car window after kissing Mr. Rinaldi goodbye, and telling him I was going to miss him. Then I drove away from my home. That was 6 days ago.
The movers had just emptied our home and the truck was driving up the street ahead of me. Mr. Rinaldi loaded 4 large suitcases and the dog's crate into my trunk and we were saying our goodbyes.
He shook his head and laughed. He's given up by now mostly. All he said was, "Nice..."
We had a dining room lake over the holidays. Our relatively new roof failed. On Christmas day we came home to the 2nd massive flood in our dining room in under a month. Our beautiful 75 year-old hardwood floors were ruined. Italian lace curtains, ruined. Plaster wall and window, ruined. Thousands of dollars in damage. Merry Christmas!
We cleaned up the mess, contacted our insurance carrier and began the process of managing the customer service we needed from the carrier we spend tens of thousands of dollars a year with.
"I promise we'll get back to you with that tomorrow…" 3 days later we're the ones initiating the call. "That check was released over 2 weeks ago…" As we wait for reimbursement on receipts we've turned in.
"Oh that's not covered in your policy…" Well, it was when we originally wrote the policy 20+ years ago. Why is it in my paperwork and not yours…
If it were up to me , we would never have had the flood. We wouldn't be going through the battles with the insurance carrier. And dealing with "artisan" tradespeople is enough to make me want to start drinking at 7 AM.
I have no control over these circumstances. So the day they moved all the furniture out to start the work, I went too. I took the dog and I left.
Mr. Rinaldi and I are fine. I'll be going back when all the work is done. It makes much more sense for him to be there managing the process. This is the line of work he chose. It's the business he's been in for over 40 years, Interior design and project management. This is an area he can control. This is an area he excels at.
Watching strangers box up heirlooms and irreplaceable possessions to be taken from my home was stressful. Knowing the house was going to be a mess for days on end was crazy making. Worrying about the pets, and the noise and fumes would have ultimately made me sick.
In the meantime, knowing that Mr. Rinaldi is getting visits from neighbors to check on him and see if he's doing okay on his own amuses me. Fielding text messages and phone calls about my sudden and dramatic departure is fun too. Yes, I'm a little twisted at times and after 25 years, most of my neighbors are well aware of it.
Hey, being twisted means I'm flexible. Think about it.
Would you be able to pack up your home, your business, your family, your pets and yourself within a matter of hours and be able to leave your home for several weeks? That takes some serious flexibility. Some serious adaptability.
Let's add to your tools for change, here's an exercise that can help you stay adaptable.
3 Simple Steps to Clear Chaos from Your World
Do It Is this something that you can act upon and resolve immediately? If the energy you're expending avoiding it can be put to better use, decide now, do it now. If the thought is you can put it off, then move it into one of the next options. Every step of the way, we have to respond to the insurance carrier in real time. It doesn't make sense to collect a box of receipts to turn in at the end of the process. Especially where we may have to justify the expenditure. And weeks later, paperwork can be misplaced, memories aren't as sharp, patience is wearing thin. Just get it done and be done with it. Delegate It Is your time better served by having someone else do it? If it is then make it someone else's task. There's no reason you need to oversee every little aspect of your business or your life for that matter. Create folders for the people you'll be delegating to. It’s a means of managing the process where you can. Then move things into those folders and be done with them. Mr. Rinaldi is so much better suited for managing the insurance communication, the contractor management, and the oversight of the home repairs. It's his strength. Even as a massive control freak, I understand it doesn't make sense for me to attempt to power through something that isn't in my wheelhouse. It'll take me longer, it won't be as accurate or efficient, and I certainly won't enjoy it. Ditch It If it doesn't fit in the first 2 categories, get rid of it. End of statement. If you can't bring yourself to ditching it, go back and put it through the criteria of the first 2 options. If you apply these 3 filters to the things that accumulate on your desk, in your office, on the kitchen counter, in your life in general – you'll find you'll clear time, space and energy for more creative pursuits that bring joy and or money into your life and work. With any luck, you'll never have to go through a relocation based on external forces like storm damage, fire, flood, pestilence, or quarantine. But if you do, try to remember to at least have a sense of humor. And remind me one day to tell you about the Chinese restaurant breakup. That was funny! Even my ex still thinks so.
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